I’ve been oddly mellow today. Almost…too mellow. It was actually hard for me to workout today. I just couldn’t get motivated. The bitterness and sarcasm that usually drive me just weren’t there.

While I do enjoy the occasional Mellow Moment, it does have its drawbacks. Specifically, the really odd thoughts.

Really odd thoughts such as, “Maybe I should grow mutton chops and walk around and greet everyone with my phony cockney accent by saying, allo guvna! Fortunately, the rational side of my brain prevents such thoughts from coming to fruition.

But I fear that the rational side of my brain is going to get worn down by the constant barrage of the thoughts that begin with, “Maybe I should…” I half expect it to just say, “Okay. Fine. Paint your dogs pink. I’m just going to be sitting over here in the shady part of your brain watching. And if you see me laughing, that will be because of something totally unrelated. Really. Have fun. You know where the paintbrushes are!”

In other news, my wife has opened Pandora’s Box. She taught me how to make Chocolate Chip Cookies.

No. You don’t understand. I love Chocolate Chip Cookies. And by “love” Chocolate Chip Cookies I actually mean “will gladly be your personal bitch for” Chocolate Chip Cookies.

So what does this mean? I have no idea. Maybe I’ll become my own bitch. I can be sadistic. But I’ve also been known to be masochistic. So I’ll be baking Chocolate Chip Cookies and not allowing myself to eat them?

sigh.